Homecoming: I Stan Beyonce but most importantly I Stan Myself
I finally got around to getting my Netflix together (shoutout to my brother who is the designated Netflix provider for the family) and was brought to the footsteps of Ms. Yonce's Homecoming. I live for an amazing live show. Until this point my FAVORITE live show and performance would have to be taken by Lady Gaga's Monster Ball. Being that I myself am a superstar, and a multi-dimensional one, it takes a lot for me to be inspired by someone or something. I must say, you've got yourself a Stan.
It's not that I wasn't always a Beyonce fan. I've always had a place in my heart for her. It would be a lie to say she didn't inspire me in any way. Number one you have to have sheer respect for the woman. She does it the way it's meant to be done. As a child coming up I saw her as a reflection of myself. I remember summertime in NYC when I would see Destiny's Child, hear the music and go to the balcony of my house and just choreograph my life away dreaming of the day I could captivate the stage. I always knew where I was headed and (almost) how I would get there. Hard work and fighting familial opposition never phased my young psyche. Beyonce and Destiny's Child was always a blueprint for a young black girl like myself. I am blessed to say I NEVER once felt that I couldn't get all the way to the top of destiny and I must acknowledge that the representation I had definitely played a part in my confidence. My standards were for nothing less than excellent and that standard has carried with me to this day.
I just didn't always get into her music as a listener. As a performer, yes, the woman has repertoire for days. Love on Top is still my go to karaoke song, brings the house down every time. Plus she's got the ballads you need for your next pop/rock audition and the anthems you love to throw into a live set. She slays all day. But personal listening? Nah not necessarily my style. I felt her to be too mainstream, too pop, for my alternative rock tastes.
As I got older my scene phase expanded into a black love phase. I chopped off the coon tails, went natural again, and I began to uncover more and more music that I loved by people who looked more like me. Beyonce still never made my personal playlists (though somehow I still know all the words to almost every song ever. Don't ask me how. Blame the illuminati lmao). I would consistently define myself of more of a Rihanna girl than a Beyonce girl any day. Yet as a performer it was Beyonce's drive that I related to more.
BUT THIS SHOW THO!!! Let me tell you. Not only did I download the entirety of Lemonade, I'm perfecting my Before I Let Go twerk as we speak. She put on an incredible performance featuring bop after bop from her 22 year career. I’m literally 23, so she raised me in a sense and I couldn’t help but love every part of life that her music brought me back to. That was fully to be expected though; what caused me to feel Stan worthy was the empowerment that oozed from her cut away moments showing behind the scenes. A true queen doesn’t only empower herself, but gives others the tools to feel worthy as well. This is what each personal moment did for me.
I’ve always related to her work ethic, but I have never been an expecting mother until now. I was personally experiencing my own anxieties about getting back on stage after I will inevitably have to be out of commission for a year. I’m due in August of 2019. Last year in September I was being considered for Hamilton on Broadway and had just come off of a summer tour of Sister Act where I was the lead. I had rehearsed for nearly the entire year and performed a 2 hour show for 2 months straight in the summer while also doing studio sessions almost daily to work on my album AND working 2 part time jobs to survive.
I was in the best shape of my life vocally and physically and ready to take on the industry by storm. It’s no wonder that I felt very connected to her story of getting back in shape. There can be an insecurity about not being able to dance full out anymore or sing with the same stamina because of the changes that pregnancy causes your body. No one warns you about the changes in your voice that can happen. No one can prepare you for the feeling of seeing your colleagues continue to audition and achieve when you’re unable to hit the pavement anymore. No one prepares you for how fast the industry seems to move when you’re forced to drop out of the hustle and bustle, even for the honor of starting a family. It can be rough to go from working your entire life to reach a pinnacle and performing being your life to wondering if you’ll ever be the same again and if all that work will go in vain.
Beyonce gave me more than just a great show. The Queen gave me something I desperately needed and didn’t really know how to talk about; she gave me guidance on how to allow yourself to grow as a woman/mother and performer when those identities are often presented as juxtaposed to one another. A scene that truly touched me was when one of her dancers expressed some of these similar sentiments after explaining that she was pregnant and had to return to the show after a year off. It showed me that many women juggle this lifestyle and we possibly all experience this anxiety. Whether you’re Beyonce or not, motherhood is a journey that you can take without giving up the parts of yourself that existed prior. In fact Id argue that seeing Blue singing and watching her mother with such awe and pride showed me that my future son will need me to be the full unbridled version of myself. He will need to see his mother being whole and living out larger than life dreams because only then will he see what his ceiling can be, and then go beyond.
I am nominated for the 2019 Long Island Community Theater Awards "Best Lead Actress" for my performance in "Sister Act." The ceremony will take place on June 10th at Star Playhouse!
It's not that I wasn't always a Beyonce fan. I've always had a place in my heart for her. It would be a lie to say she didn't inspire me in any way. Number one you have to have sheer respect for the woman. She does it the way it's meant to be done. As a child coming up I saw her as a reflection of myself. I remember summertime in NYC when I would see Destiny's Child, hear the music and go to the balcony of my house and just choreograph my life away dreaming of the day I could captivate the stage. I always knew where I was headed and (almost) how I would get there. Hard work and fighting familial opposition never phased my young psyche. Beyonce and Destiny's Child was always a blueprint for a young black girl like myself. I am blessed to say I NEVER once felt that I couldn't get all the way to the top of destiny and I must acknowledge that the representation I had definitely played a part in my confidence. My standards were for nothing less than excellent and that standard has carried with me to this day.
I just didn't always get into her music as a listener. As a performer, yes, the woman has repertoire for days. Love on Top is still my go to karaoke song, brings the house down every time. Plus she's got the ballads you need for your next pop/rock audition and the anthems you love to throw into a live set. She slays all day. But personal listening? Nah not necessarily my style. I felt her to be too mainstream, too pop, for my alternative rock tastes.
As I got older my scene phase expanded into a black love phase. I chopped off the coon tails, went natural again, and I began to uncover more and more music that I loved by people who looked more like me. Beyonce still never made my personal playlists (though somehow I still know all the words to almost every song ever. Don't ask me how. Blame the illuminati lmao). I would consistently define myself of more of a Rihanna girl than a Beyonce girl any day. Yet as a performer it was Beyonce's drive that I related to more.
BUT THIS SHOW THO!!! Let me tell you. Not only did I download the entirety of Lemonade, I'm perfecting my Before I Let Go twerk as we speak. She put on an incredible performance featuring bop after bop from her 22 year career. I’m literally 23, so she raised me in a sense and I couldn’t help but love every part of life that her music brought me back to. That was fully to be expected though; what caused me to feel Stan worthy was the empowerment that oozed from her cut away moments showing behind the scenes. A true queen doesn’t only empower herself, but gives others the tools to feel worthy as well. This is what each personal moment did for me.
I’ve always related to her work ethic, but I have never been an expecting mother until now. I was personally experiencing my own anxieties about getting back on stage after I will inevitably have to be out of commission for a year. I’m due in August of 2019. Last year in September I was being considered for Hamilton on Broadway and had just come off of a summer tour of Sister Act where I was the lead. I had rehearsed for nearly the entire year and performed a 2 hour show for 2 months straight in the summer while also doing studio sessions almost daily to work on my album AND working 2 part time jobs to survive.
Beyonce gave me more than just a great show. The Queen gave me something I desperately needed and didn’t really know how to talk about; she gave me guidance on how to allow yourself to grow as a woman/mother and performer when those identities are often presented as juxtaposed to one another. A scene that truly touched me was when one of her dancers expressed some of these similar sentiments after explaining that she was pregnant and had to return to the show after a year off. It showed me that many women juggle this lifestyle and we possibly all experience this anxiety. Whether you’re Beyonce or not, motherhood is a journey that you can take without giving up the parts of yourself that existed prior. In fact Id argue that seeing Blue singing and watching her mother with such awe and pride showed me that my future son will need me to be the full unbridled version of myself. He will need to see his mother being whole and living out larger than life dreams because only then will he see what his ceiling can be, and then go beyond.
I am nominated for the 2019 Long Island Community Theater Awards "Best Lead Actress" for my performance in "Sister Act." The ceremony will take place on June 10th at Star Playhouse!
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